Three Strange Events That Occurred In 2022

By Marco B

Context

Traditionally, media has always been a serious industry. Often, the events covered are intentionally selected to evoke “negative emotions” within the viewer. Just open CNN or Fox and, most likely, you’ll be bombarded with headlines such as “3 UVA Football Players Shot Dead” or “Russian Forces Invade Ukraine”. We are constantly subject to negative feelings, ultimately creating anxiety and dark thoughts. Undoubtedly, media stimulus conditions our being one way or another. When I was younger, my parents would turn on the news at exactly 8 pm every night. My position back then was indifferent, but as I grew older, I became conscious of the injection of negative stimulus. The intention of this blog post is to shed light on strange events, while taking a humorous, sarcastic, mocking tone towards today’s news and conception of history – hopefully a cocoon of fresh air for readers.

Note: Read the paragraph before clicking on the accompanying URL / article.

 

Crazed Officer - https://apnews.com/article/arrests-california-san-bernardino-1d2868d6d5aecfab7bb2e9c387aabfdd

 

His face blushed red, the man swayed back and forth, left to right. He kicked the tavern door open, his limbs seemingly controlled by a greater force. Then he stumbled, tripping on his own feet, falling flat on his stomach. While falling, his shirt pulled up over his hairy belly, revealing his weapon. Betty Sims, a neighborhood resident, recalls that she was walking her dog, Oscar, when this man tumbled onto her path. Sims claims that the Southern California man dropped his police badge which she attempted to return. The man ignored Betty and directed various inappropriate phrases at her. Sims, who is 80 years old claims that she “was flattered, yet caught off guard” by the man’s flirtatious nature. Minutes later, at approximately 2 a.m., Fidel Ocampo-Rodarte fired his pistol into the air several times. Bill Burns remembers that his sleep was brought to a “grinding halt” after the shots were fired. 

 

Chained by Whisker - https://apnews.com/article/oddities-wyoming-casper-0644b3c5337f0c8646e592d320a6e00e

 

The chained men stood inconspicuously knotted to one another by way of whiskers. They spanned across the pavilion, approximately 150 feet long. Family members, friends, and strangers convened, some with curiosity, some with anxiousness. Suddenly, the pavilion doors swung wide, blowing a swath of fresh air into the room, pushing dust off the tables.  The judge entered – Sir. John Wheeler the III of the GWRC (Guinness World Record committee), sluggishly approached the first member of the chain. He lowered his glasses, reached in his back pocket, and took out a purple magnifying glass. He inspected the first knot under his portable lens. John Daly, a bystander at the event, recalls the judge “taking a long time” to examine each knot. According to Samsonite Alderbrook, the father of one of the contestants, Sir. Wheeler seemed “obviously disinterested” and “clearly lazy”. The judge continued down the line, begrudgingly tallying each successful knot on his clipboard. Until, halfway down the line he endowed a certificate of world record and headed for the doors.

Godly Sandals - https://apnews.com/article/technology-oddities-california-steve-jobs-7ca4bfe999e3ca73d6ad460ce789a4d1

 

The shaman walked slowly across the desert. It was a warm day, yet he wore a black turtleneck and blue jeans. His feet, hands, and head the only skin left uncovered. Bovine sandals were a staple of his, he liked how they felt on his feet. He kept his pace up for many days, and as his journey continued, he uncovered an Apple growing under the sand. He grabbed the Apple and held it tight in his hand for the rest of his life. Until one day, an angel flew down from above, grabbed him, never to be seen again. All that  was left of the shaman was the Apple and his sandals. Days later, after his disappearance, a local trader named Valley stumbled upon the shamans’ remains. Valley casually grabbed the Apple and sandals, and continued on his way to the Silicon market. Upon arrival he kept the Apple for himself, and presented the sandals to the California auction house. Minutes later he was called into the director’s office – “Valley, you are one lucky man. Do you know how much these sandals are worth?” Valley looked confused “No sir, how much?” The director proceeded “Valley, have you not read the initials on the sole?” The director flipped the sandals and showed Valley – ‘S.J.’ Valley stared at the sandals cross eyed, thinking of all the possible S.J.’s in his life, he didn’t know anyone.  “These are shaman Jobs’ sandals, worth approximately 220,000 dollars”. Valley suddenly collapsed.